My Heaven’s on Fire

This is hard for me to write and I’ve written difficult articles about KISS before but it’s been a long time since.

On Wednesday, November 22nd, I was supposed to see KISS live. I had booked time off that week so I wouldn’t have to wake up after a night shift to get ready to go to the show. We secured tickets six months prior and my friend said we would be a little bit closer to the stage than the three previous times we have seen them. Not in the front row but it was still an improvement.

I got busy with work and other commitments and briefly got sidetracked by the fact that the show was coming. Then when it came closer, I started to ramp up. Half of my department at work now knows that I’m a KISS fan, and many of them were quite surprised to learn that about me. I guess they didn’t expect it because my looks and personality at work can be deceiving. But I showed them a picture of me from my last KISS concert in my Demon costume and they were totally surprised but thought it was really cool.

On the day of the concert, I went for an appointment with my RMT who is also a big music enthusiast and told me to let him know how the concert was afterward. But I felt like there was something coming that I was trying to ignore all this time, the stage of denial had hit me.

It started when the day before the gig, I found out that the concert in Ottawa was canceled that night due to illness and they did not say who or what. What I did hear, however, is that many fans had driven for hours to Ottawa in inclement weather, some of them in full makeup and all. Many of these fans had literally shown up at the venue and were waiting for the doors to open, only to be met with the news that the show was cancelled at the last minute. I felt very sorry for them but tried to keep my spirits up so that my show for the next day was still on.

I didn’t sleep well that night which I assumed was just pre-concert excitement but when I did fall asleep, I had a dream that I was at the venue and something wasn’t right, I can’t remember what, but it was obviously trying to tell me something but I continued to deny it.

Then after my massage appointment, I took an afternoon nap (or at least tried to) and planned to start getting ready at three: have a big early dinner, put my costume and makeup on, and be out the door by four-thirty to meet my friend and catch the train. But, reality hit as soon as had got up from my nap. I was still checking on occasion throughout the day for any news and was open to the possibility that it could be canceled but I guess I spent more time remaining positive. Then I saw that Paul Stanley had posted a photo where he was in bed in his hotel room with an IV drip running. He said he was deeply sorry that he had caught the flu and it made it impossible for him to go on stage in Toronto and Ottawa. I didn’t expect it to be Paul who was sick, nor did I expect it to be that serious but if he had an IV drip then it was definitely bad.

I warned my friend about it just in case he might have started to get ready and then three minutes later, Live Nation Ontario posted that the show in Toronto was officially cancelled. I let my friend know and tried to contain myself but in seconds, I wept. I couldn’t blame Paul for getting sick because part of me would never want him or any of the band members to go on stage if they were feeling sick. Health should always be a priority. But, I wept because I wasn’t going to see KISS that night.

I had been looking forward to it all year, just as much as I was excited to see Alice Cooper and Rob Zombie too. KISS has been my go-to band to make me feel happy when times are tough. I let myself cry and tried to remind myself that I would always have the music and the memories of the previous concerts I went to. Hell, I had resigned to the fact that the 2019 show I went to could possibly be my last one, but that was before COVID-19 and when the tour resumed, I imagined the possibility that I would get one more show.

Then just before I went to bed that night, I started crying again at a quarter to nine as that would have been the time they would hit the stage if the show was still on and I cried myself to sleep being grievously hurt from this news. I let my emotions run their course over the next few days. After I had run out of energy to cry, I jumped from thinking of things that could have happened instead, like bargaining, maybe if they spread the dates of the shows out more, then band members would have more time to recover should one of them catch a bug. I was also angry because all Live Nation was doing was refunding tickets but what I wanted was a reschedule. However, it seemed like the band and their manager were dead set on the final show being on December 2nd.

Okay, yeah I get that, but why not do something afterward? I highly doubt this is the end. Many bands will have a “Farewell” tour but give it a year and then sometimes they come back. I get what Gene Simmons is saying when he mentioned in an interview (and I’m one of those KISS fans who will actually read the article rather than just the headline if it’s about him so I can get his perspective rather than resort to calling him names, but then again he is also my favourite member so yeah.) that the older he gets, the harder it is to put on all that armour and go on stage with no safety net. But as far as I know, Gene, you haven’t made it publicly known that you have some sort of medical condition that prevents you from playing your best.

Just wait until after the tour ends, you might pursue your other business endeavours but you might also eventually miss going on stage and decide to do it again next year. What better way to do that than by making it up to the fans in Ottawa, Toronto, and Knoxville? (That’s right, THREE shows were cancelled because of Paul’s illness) I love you Gene, and I always will, but I don’t understand how this can not be done at all.

Okay, maybe not all of the choices fall upon Gene, but still. I don’t see how it’s not possible for them to do something after the end of this tour to make up for missed concerts. Maybe the band could still play from time to time but not do a full-on tour, maybe even do some conventions as well. I’d be okay with that as long as it’s not just a USA-exclusive thing. Even if it’s just Toronto I’m okay with that too. Hell, I still think they should at least do one more album because, unpopular opinion here, their last album Monster was AMAZING!

KISS has a significant fanbase here in Canada. I heard that even during the time Paul played the titular role in The Phantom of the Opera, he had one performance in Toronto of it! At least, that’s what I remember reading from his book.

Lots of other bands do these “Farewell” tours but then they come back a year or two later. Many of them never truly hang it up for good. Look at The Rolling Stones. Mick Jagger is EIGHTY and the Stones are going on tour next year! Black Sabbath has disbanded, but Ozzy still makes music. His health doesn’t really let him tour anymore but he loves what he does enough to find a way to keep doing it. I’m pretty sure Tony Iommi is still finding a way to keep doing what he loves even if Sabbath is no longer together anymore.

I don’t see why KISS can’t do the same thing. Gene kept talking about the brand still continuing but having actors step in place seems a little bit too far. So come on, it would seem ridiculous at least to not try and make it up to us Canadian fans, we just lost the last two shows ever. If you guys love us so much, don’t we deserve more than just a simple apology and refund? The same goes for those in Knoxville.

I will always love KISS, I love their music, I love the band members, I love everything they’ve done, and they bring me joy in many ways imaginable. I refuse to give up my position as a soldier in the KISS Army because of this. I will never stop being a fan, but I will likely be carrying around this grudge now because of what happened, I mean, I’m a Taurus, so it’s pretty natural. It sounds selfish if you think about it because I was inconvenienced, but let me stop you right there. Like I said, I know it’s not Paul’s fault that he got sick, I wouldn’t want him to go on stage if he was sick. BUT, I just think it was a poor business decision to not try to make up for lost concerts, especially if it was three in a row and the first two were the last two in my country in what is their apparent final tour ever.

I’m still going to tune into the final show via PPV but it won’t be the same as actually being there. I may not be crying over this anymore or showing visible signs of anger, at this point, I’ve reached the stage of acceptance, but that feeling of heartbreak may not ever change unless miraculously something does happen. The only other option I have is to take a break from them like I did with Powerwolf and let a few months pass until I am truly ready to forgive them and their management. So yeah, I still love you, KISS, but personally, I think you owe us.

👽Emily