I Should Ask More Questions

I don’t think about this often, but sometimes it comes to me when I’m in the middle of a conversation with someone like, say, my mom and she’ll ask me what my friends are up to like what’s their current job.

I sometimes feel like I don’t know enough about my friends because whenever I do hang out with them, we’re just talking about our favourite things like video games, or music rather than asking each other what we’re up to, like everyday things, work being one of them.

Maybe I don’t prioritize it, it’s such a pain not knowing the answer when other people ask it. It makes me realize that I don’t ask enough questions in a conversation. What are you up to? Where are you working now? What are you currently playing?

When someone tells me that say, they have a new favourite game, I’m prone to saying it’s my favourite too instead of asking why it’s their favourite. Asking questions allows the other person to continue sharing something they’re passionate about since being in a conversation isn’t just about talking, it’s also about listening.

What I struggle with is knowing when it’s my turn to talk. So, do I have to listen and wait until the other person asks me a question? If yes I’m sure I could eventually excel in anything one-on-one but in group conversations are still difficult with finding a gap to ask a question or say something else.

Asking questions is also effective when someone has extreme negative feelings, and I’m talking like someone saying a movie is simply trashy without any further coherence as to why they feel that way.

So why do you think that movie is trash?

Well because it just is! It has a terrible plot!

Okay so what makes the plot terrible?

Didn’t you hear what I said? It’s a terrible movie with a terrible plot! It shouldn’t even exist!

As you can see that’s a pretty extreme example, and if I were to get that last answer from someone, I would just walk away. This is what my dad says could come in handy if I were to express my love for something and then I encounter a hater who tries to belittle me for it. I could just ask why they feel so strongly about it, to peel back the layers like of an onion until I find the core reason why they have to be so nasty. In the end, there’s a good chance there is no reason, they’re just being a hater because it’s “easier” whatever the hell that means.

To some people it’s so easy to ask a lot of questions. I do it at work if I’m in the midst of learning something new but in other situations it seems difficult. Being on the spectrum hasn’t been kind with these things and it frustrates me that I don’t know how to have a simple conversation at times in a social setting.

I definitely need to try asking questions to people who are negative all the time though and see how that works.

Scratch that. I did try it once. A friend from college posted a picture of Stitch holding the pride flag two months ago. Some dude reacted angry to it. When the OP asked why he did that, he said he just didn’t like pride.

Now was my chance to intervene.

So why do you hate Pride so much?

Because I am against it and don’t like it!

Okay but what did LGBTQ people ever do to you?

They didn’t do anything to me. I just hate it.

And that’s where I found the root cause. This person was just simply being homophobic because they wanted to. His profile picture had the pride flag with a red X slashed through it like it was done on Microsoft’s paint program. His cover photo was my country’s flag with an Indigenous chief on it. There was a red X drawn through that as well.

I blocked the guy afterward. But that was good practice. Now I just need to apply this in other situations and then maybe I’ll have an easier time in these situations and not make it all about me. It’s not much now but it’s progress.

👽Emily